Last night I had a dream. I dreamt I was back in a time when my children were babies. I was back in the house we used to live in and reliving a day in my life 15 years ago. Everything looked and smelt the same, the colour of the walls, my kitchen where I prepared countless meals, the scent of the jasmine flowing through the window, and my baby’s sweet smiles and chubby little faces.
It was a beautiful dream until in my dream, the new owners of our old house returned home and the moment became awkward as I found I was trespassing in someone else’s home. As I was brought back to the reality that that era had passed, I sobbed in my dream, realising that my babies had grown up and that time had moved on.
Can’t go back
My sadness was not to do with the place so much, I love where we live now, though the memories we created in that home are precious and hold a very dear place in my heart. No, the sadness had more to do with, that the moment in time with my babies had passed and I know I can’t go back and visit them at that age again. I can’t pick their little bodies up and carry them in my arms or give them piggy-back rides—if I tried that now, it might cause an injury!
God knows how sentimental us mothers get and though we may feel silly sometimes for feeling emotional over seemingly small things, those feelings come from great love and are precious to our Father God. Psalm chapter 56 verse 8 says: ‘You number my wanderings; put my tears into your bottle; are they not in Your book?’
I am not alone
I realise the journey we have been on since the baby days has been full of highs and lows, joys and challenges, victories and heartache, and though God has not taken the hard things away from us, he certainly walked with us as we went through them.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes my dreams carry a soundtrack or theme song to them. The song that was playing through my mind in this dream seemed to fit well:
I’ve walked among the shadows
You wiped my tears away
And I’ve felt the pain of heartbreak
And I’ve seen the brighter days
And I’ve prayed prayers to heaven from my lowest place
And I have held the blessings
God, you give and take away
On the mountains, I will bow my life
To the one who set me there
In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the one who sees me there
when I’m standing on the mountain aft, didn’t get there on my own
When I’m walking through the valley end, no I am not alone!
You’re the God of the hills and valleys
And I am not alone. (Hills and Valleys by Tauren Wells)
Close to His heart
After waking from that dream, I pondered on the years that have since passed. I know full well every stage of my children’s lives is just as precious as those baby days and I’m grateful for each and every moment. I am also grateful that we don’t have to parent alone. Isaiah chapter 40 verse 11 says: ‘He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.’
Children are a gift from God and every moment is precious. As my children reach for their own dreams in life, I can be assured that my Father in Heaven is also their Father in Heaven and when I can’t be there, I know the one who will always be by their side and I can have assurance in that.
‘In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.’ Psalm chapter 4 verse 8.
Originally published for Christian Today Australia, July 2017